akaLilith

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been a longggggggggg time! Where do I start? I feel like it's been a century since the last time I logged in here and typed something. How are you all?

I came back from a holiday overseas since October but somehow I haven't been able to pick up a pencil and draw anything yet. I did come here now and then to read the comments an open notes (both randomly because I know it'd take forever to get through it all). A long trip always did this to me.., it resurrected my other alter ego, the one that obsessed with books instead of graphite and paper, the one that wants to do finish up a book as soon as possible just so she can start a new one.

I know what you're thinking.. That I can do both. That normal people can get into A FEW things at the same time. Maybe I'm just weird. It seems my life has been possessed by my own obsessions one after another(don't feel sorry for me because I think I like it this way..)
. I have to be obsessed with one thing at a time otherwise I wouldn't have any spare time to actually have a life.

But I know every obsession comes and goes. One day I'll leaves those books in the bookshelves and open up a pencil box and stared choosing a reference...

I'll try to come here more often because I miss talking to my good friends here.

There's a lot of catching up to do, isn't it? At least I've finally given this journal an overdued update..lol..

Thanks all the visitor for taking your time looking at my works. Thanks for all the comments and the notes. I really appreciate your support.

Just finished packing. I'm leaving Australia tomorrow morning. Thanks so much for all the comments and favs on my Dorian Gray drawing. Sorry I don't have time to reply to any comments. Once I'm settled I'll try to log on here to keep myself up to date to what's going on.

Feel free to send me a note for any personal message or request.

C'ya!

I woke up in the morning to check something out on the net and found this 2 notes from the DA staff.

........................................................................
devart said the following:

The administrator who deleted your deviation added the following:

Deleted in response to case #795154

The work(s) listed below have been removed by staff as a violation of the deviantART copyright policy. Your deviantART submissions must consist entirely of your own work or valid stock resources and must not include works from copyrighted sources.

Please read our Copyright Policy and if you have any questions or believe this removal to be an error please contact the deviantART Help Desk

Title: Poker Face
URL: www.deviantart.com/deviation/1…
Submitted: 2009-09-08 8:56:27 am

--
This message has been generated automatically, if you need additional assistance, please visit the Help Desk
........................................................................

Your deviation Poker Face was reported for Art theft (General). The report was reviewed by a member of the Staff and action was taken, deleting the deviation and marking the report as Resolved. Additionally, the following comment was provided:

A member of staff has reviewed a report concerning this deviation and has determined that this work was a direct copy of an existing work by another artist.

Since official policy discourages this behavior this deviation has been removed as a violation of the deviantART copyright policy.

This message was generated automatically.

-- deviantART Staff
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Tell me I'm dreaming. Please take a look at this .gif file i64.photobucket.com/albums/h17… and tell me how can this be called a 'direct' copy?? Unless I misunderstand what 'DIRECT COPY' means.

As for the source of the reference. I've stated CLEARLY in my artist's comment the source of the picture, that it came from a screen shot of her music vdo. People have drawn from a screen shots all the time. If this was considered 'violation' then half of the pencil portraits you've seen around DA must be removed for the same reason not just mine.

Sorry for anyone who've fav that piece. I don't know what to do myself. You can have a look at the .gif file for your entertainment.

That's it. I'm not in the mood to say anything more. This is stupid. This sucks.

UPDATED: Sorry I have been unable to answer all of your comments in the past 2 days. It's a hectic time for me as I'm about to go overseas soon and have so many things to sort out and now this sh** happened. I'm so overwhelmed with all the supportive and encouraging comments. I'd like to thank each of you personaly but if I can't I hope you realise I've read all of your comments and really appreciate them. Thank you.

As for the reason my drawing has been deleted some insider told me it's because the admin believed I'd manipulated the photo and LIED that I drew it. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry..

Hello again!!

It's been a while since my last journal.

First of all, thanks so much for all the comments and favs on my works since I came back from my drawing drought. I really, truely appreciate your support. Special thanks to those who've pointed out the flaws on my works and helped me to improve on the details I'd overlooked.

Now on the journal topic, I'd like to know if it's only me who always thinks different to what the majority do. I'd like to know if you guys have a strange side in you as well, the side that would make you a weirdo if you admit it out loud.

I have a lot of thoughts that aren't in common to most people aroud me or to the pop culture. However, the thing that keep making me to think 'Is there anything wrong with me?' is the fact that I don't want to have a relationship with a guy, don't want to start a family and most of all I NEVER want to be a mum.

I've come to accept that I wasn't born to be a wife nor a mum. I'm not looking for Mr. right. I never want to get pragnant. I never want to hold a baby. I never want to be called mother. I know a lot of women who think their life can't be fulfilled unless they can find their soulmate and have kids. To me I always feel like being myself is enough to fulfill me. Is it wrong to think that way?  

What about you? Do you have any belief, preference or attitude that make you different? Please share. You might make me feel more 'normal'.

Hello again!!


I submitted this journal right after midnight (Australia time) because I want to make it my birthday journal. Not to give it any fancy meaning but to make it more purposeful. It's funny that to most part of the world I'm still a year younger.

As some of you would've noticed I was disappeared from DA for a few months and haven't posted any new artwork for ages. I wish I could blame it on my personal life but the truth is I've been suffering from a long 'mental block' period. Of course there's nothing significant about a non-pro like me not being able to come up with a new piece regularly like a drawing machine but believe me the cause of my mental block was so over the top it'll make you roll your eyes.

I think I've been cursed by a God. By 'God' I mean the power that can control universe or whatever we believe in with neither connection nor relation to any religions.

I know what you guys are thinking. Before advising me to give the local mental health hotlines a call may I ask you something, have you ever made a bargain with the power that be above with your art to get what you want?

Confusing? Let me explain it further, and let's making it short and emotionless by skipping all the non art-related details.

Earlier this year I wanted something so badly I mentally made a deal with the power above that if he answered my prayer I'd draw the subject of my prayer and made it the best drawing of my life.

Why did I take that too seriously? I have no logical explanation but I do think it makes perfect sense that someone like me who believes in ghosts, aliens and everything paranormals would believe in magic and miracle (cos I did believe wholeheartedly that it'd take magic and miracle to make my wish come true).

Miracle happened and things turned out as I dreamt of. I should've just kept my promise and done that one drawing just to celebrate if not for the peace of my mind but I didn't.

There're two reasons why.

One because I didn't want to admit that I'd taken it THAT seriously. Two because I had no confidence that I could make my best drawing out of it.

I knew it couldn't be my best because 'my best' never existed. I tried my best everytime I drew a piece. There's no room left for the extra effort to make one piece better than the rest. I kept pushing the task away to the point of ignoring anything that reminded me of that unfinished business. I stopped coming to DA because I couldn't bear looking at anyone's artworks anymore. During that time my head kept telling me how silly it was to feel under pressure when I should just let it go but my gut kept telling me something would go wrong if I didn't try to fulfill my part of the deal.

My gut was right. Things did go wrong, terribly and unacceptably wrong.

It's then that I realised I had no choice but to start working on that piece knowing I'd never put my mind to rest until it's done. That was a month ago. I was 80% into that piece when I decided to come back to DA. I needed this place to remind me of the good time when I used to draw with all the confidence in the world.

I know I've screwed the chance to work on this beloved subject with joy and pride and now every stroke and blending will be done with sadness and guilt. For my redemption I can only promise that I will finish it.

If you ask me if I TRUELY believe a drawing would have changed anything my answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT. It's just a mental make-belief that has a psychological effect on the non-scientific side of me. The side that always opens up to mysteries and paranormals, enjoys fantasy and fictions and believes in magic and miracle.

BTW, you're all free to guess what the subject is..